Could you give someone a second chance?

This week is National Transplant Week. 

Organ donation is a very sensitive subject. However for me, it is a subject that very much needs discussing. 

Because it's a subject that is very close to my heart. 

Nearly 16 years ago (God I feel old saying that), my Dad was lucky enough to be given a second chance by a family saying yes. 

I cannot even begin to imagine what that family must have been going through, but their willingness to donate their loved ones organs meant my Dad is still with us today. 

At the moment, the UK has an 'opt-in' scheme to organ donation. You sign up to the register, you can carry a card, it's even on your driving licence form. 

But just because you signed up, doesn't mean your organs will automatically be donated in the event of your death and it could come as a shock to your family if they don't know. It is SO important to talk to your loved ones and make sure that they know your wishes, and in turn, you know theirs! 

There are also things you can do as a 'living donor'. Do something amazing 3 times a year and give blood. Sign up to the bone marrow register. Let's be honest, what is a pint of blood every few months when it could give someone their life back?

There are so many questions and myths surrounding organ donation after death and many of the answers can be found here : 

https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk

As I write this, there are over 7000 people awaiting a transplant of some sort in the UK. 

And only 32% of the UK population is registered as a donor.

(Statistics taken from organdonation.nhs.uk) 

So please, take time to at least think about it, read some of the information, talk to people and if you choose, register. It takes 2 minutes and can be done online. Or find out where and when your next local blood doning session is. 

It might just give someone a second chance at life. 

We survived

Yesterday (Tuesday) was our first day as a threesome when daddy went back to work. 

I was dreading it! A toddler and an 11 day old baby. How on earth was I going to do it? To divide my time fairly between the two knowing that G can't wait if she needs feeding and would E understand that I needed to put G first, especially as she is so used to having all of my attention. I honestly thought I would end up like this: 

However, we did ok. Infact, no. We didn't just do ok. We did it well! We even managed to do washing! Everyone got fed, watered and there was a production line of nappy changing. 

We ventured downstairs before Daddy left all dressed and ready to go. The morning was spent waiting in for the health visitor (about which there will be a seperate post). E had a nap when she finally left whilst I fed G and managed to get some lunch of my own (I was very impressed I managed to eat!). The afternoon was spent playing, a bit of playdoh, playing shops and reading books. Was very impressed with E who is getting so much better at words now. Yesterday she did:

Tree, car, shoe and dog. 

Am so proud of how her speech is coming along.  

Chris got home about 5 but then had to head back out for a hospital appointment. Meltdown followed. Bedtime was a slight nightmare as all E wanted was Daddy and G was unsettled but E finally resigned herself to Mummy putting her to bed which made life much easier. 

So all in all a good day and a day which proved to me that I can do it. It probably won't always be as good as yesterday, but it was a good start! 

Grandpa comes to visit

We've just had a really lovely weekend with my Dad and Step-Mum. 

I think when family live away that the time you spend together should be quality time and I really feel like this weekend was. 

It was wonderful to see them and introduce them both to their new Grandaughter. E as ever enjoyed seeing them and playing with them both - and especially the play dough present!! 

We had a lovely walk around the lake at JCB on Sunday. There was an incident with some over-excited geese but I'm hoping that doesn't put E off as she loves going to feed the ducks. 

It was so lovely to see them both and to spend some nice time together. Hopefully it won't be so long next time :-) 

G meets Grandpa

And Grandma Viv 

Everyone loves Playdough fun! 

Friends! Or just acquaintances?

Friendship. A word often used but how often is it truly meant? 

By definition (courtesy of our friends at the Oxford English Dictionary), friendship is the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends. 

A friend by definition is A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations. 

Whereas an acquaintance is a slight knowledge of or friendship with someone

Technically, I've got lots of 'friends'. But when I really think about it, are they actually friends? They are people I say hello to, chat to occasionally, comment on social media posts etc but a true friend?

To me, a true friend is someone that I don't necessarily need to see or talk to for days or weeks at a time yet when we next do, it's like you saw them half an hour ago.

A true friend is someone that doesn't mind if you don't want to talk. They'll happily sit next to you and say nothing at all. 

A true friend is someone that doesn't need reminding about important things that go on in your life, they just remember. 

A true friend is someone that shares the good and the bad. They aren't afraid to admit when things aren't good - and you can bitch, moan, cry and eventually laugh about it. 

A true friend is someone who, when all else fails, will jump in and help you when you need it most. 

I consider myself lucky. I've got 3 really good true friend. However, I've also lost people who I thought were true friends. Some I hadn't known long, some I had known a very long time who I thought were going to be there forever. I was wrong and that's the past. Some people have just drifted away - were they even true friends in the first place? I'd like to think so, well they were to me, but maybe I was wrong? 

However, over the last 2 months, when the shit really hit the fan, I found friends in the most unlikely of places. 

Clare and Vicki turned out to be people I now speak to everyday. We went through pregnancy together (even though we delivered in totally the wrong order) and it was lovely to be able to talk to them about pregnancy and other stuff. I really wish they both lived closer so we could meet for coffee and cake! 

And then I got to Ward 16. When you are stuck in hospital for as long as I was, you honestly dread the people who you might be on a ward with. Will they be normal? will they talk? are they snorers? 

I cannot even put into words how lucky I was with the people I was with. For most of the time, it was just the 4 of us and it really did become a little family. I think the midwives probably hated coming down to our bay!! 

In Leesa, I met one of the kindest, warm people I have ever met. We went through a hell of a lot together and shared things people who have been friends for years will never go through. Our babies will always be birthday buddies and I honestly hope we are friends for a long time. 

Dawn and Kayleigh again are such lovely people. People who cared. We laughed, we cried and we asked for drugs. Both of them on their own bumpy journey to bring their little ray of sunshine into the world. Again, people who I hope to be in touch with for a long time. 

So be honest, how many true friends do you have? 

WARNING : Controversial Content

I HATED BEING PREGNANT!!!

There, I said it. Some of you will have laughed, some of you will have drawn a sharp intake of breath that I could dare suggest that I didn't enjoy it, and others of you will have silently gone "Me too". 

Don't get me wrong, I loved the outcome, but the whole 'cooking' and delivery process this time round was nothing short of hideous. 

With E, I was really lucky. I had a fantastic pregnancy. I had hardly any sickness at all, I got that wonderful pregnancy 'bloom' people talk about and generally it was a smooth 9 months. It wasn't without it's difficult bits. Extra scans as they thought E might be small, but she was safely delivered, in a fairly easy delivery, at 41 weeks exactly. 

And so, I mistakenly thought that pregnancy number 2 would be similar. How bloody wrong was I? 

We were both delighted when we got that positive test, and the second, and the third! And then the sickness kicked in. Why in earth they call it morning sickness I will never know. It's more morning, non, night and anytime you try and eat or drink sickness. It started at 5 weeks and finally, after some assistance from some magic tablets, disappeared about 28 weeks only to come back with avengence at 33. My lack of appetite and this dreaded sickness probably goes someway to explain the 9kg I lost whilst pregnant. 

SPD - 3 magic little letters that get banded about a lot. I never ever realised how bloody painful it would be. I couldn't go up and down the stairs properly, I couldn't lift Ellie up and even walking to the loo became painful. Just hideous!!!

At our 28 week scan, as I had expected, we got the 'we think your baby is going to be small' line. I thought here we go again and that was about it. 

What followed from 32 weeks was nothing short of ghastly. Not in a gruesome way, just in a mentally and emotionally exhausting way. My movements reduced from 30+ an hour to not even 10 a day, she hardly grew some weeks, we went to the hospital everyday for monitoring of some form, there was all the worry with her heart, it was just too much. 

You will always worry about your unborn child, but this got ridiculous. I know I worry a lot, but most of it was justified in this instance. The worry led to sleepless nights, the sleepless nights led to sickness, the more sickness the less I could eat, the little I ate resulted in a massive lack of energy needed to deal with the worry and the day to day doings of being Mummy to a toddler and a wife.

I was tearful, I was grumpy, my skin hurt to touch, I was so uncomfortable in my own skin I sat on my hands to stop scratching it. I would snap at the tiniest of things, and I would cry at next to nothing. My hormones were off the scale most of the time. I honestly do wonder how Chris put up with me! 

But it was all worth it in the end - just know there will never be a next time. Our family is very much complete! 

Introducing G

On 26th June 2014, after 3 days that I would really rather forget (but will blog about later), our final jigsaw piece joined our family. 

Georgia Olivia entered the world at 17:05pm weighing a small but perfect 6lb 11oz and sharing a birthday with Mummy. 

I can safely say that after everything we went through, holding my baby girl, safely delivered and perfectly formed, was the best feeling in the world. 

We had to stay in hospital for at least the first 24 hours to make sure G was ok but came home Friday night. 

Our jigsaw is now complete and I cannot wait to start our journey as a 4. 

By way of an explanation...

I'm lying writing this back in my bed on Ward 16, Bay 7 at Queens Hospital. And I cannot explain to you the relief I feel being back here. 

Because today was a shocking day that could have had such a different outcome. 

It was a tough week last week. The bump and I were admitted on Wednesday with further reduced movements and showing signs of exhaustion. The plan for Brussel's arrival had yet again been changed. After extensive talks with the Midwives, they got me a second opinion from another doctor. We had yet another new plan. A Doppler on Friday morning and induction on Tuesday 24th June pending all was ok on Friday. 

So off I toddled down the corridor on Friday. You hear stories of people having scans where the sonographer says nothing at all and you think "I'm sure they must have said something". I can safely say they don't say a word. Nothing. And it is the most scariest silence you will ever hear. 

The sonographer thought that she had seen an abnormality with Brussell's heart and wanted a second opinion from the consultant. 3 long hours followed where we waited (thankfully with Chris who had rushed over from work) for the consultant to arrive. She scanned us, she struggled to see, and then she referred us to Birmingham Women's Hospital for a third, and more specialised, opinion. 

The appointment was Monday. There were 3 possible options. Each of them just as frightening as the other. The words Coarctation of the Aorta where muttered.  A condition that would mean a lack of oxygenated blood to the lower half of the baby's body. A condition that would require almost immediate surgery. 

Monday arrived following the shocking nights sleep on Sunday. Chris and I set off for Birmingham not able to find the words but still speaking them in our heads. Both unsure of what the next few hours would hold or where we would spend the night. 

We were met by a Consultant in Fetal Medicine and a Consultant Cardiologist from Birmingham Children's Hospital. My own heart fell through the floor when I saw that lady. What did they know or suspect that I didn't. 

We got scanned and then we got the magic words "All Clear", "There is nothing wrong that we can see". Although some of the views were obscured due to the position of bubs, they have nothing to feel concerned about. 

They have requested that a paediatrician check Brussel straight away and that oxygen saturation is monitored closely for the first few hours but that is it. 

Our baby is healthy. The small, and I think they will be, perfect little bubba that I've been cooking for the last 9 months is going to be ok. 

Relief is not the word. Infact, I don't think there are any words that can describe the feeling to be honest. 

So, in the next couple of days, the final piece of our jigsaw will arrive. Our little family will be complete. 

I cannot thank a few people enough for the last few days. Lots of people have been supportive but some have done more than I could ever have expected. I don't need to name them, they know who they are but it honestly means the world to us all. 

Billy - a little bit of faith

Before you all read this and think I am in need of a psych referral, I can assure you that I am of sound mind and very much "with it". 

I've believed for a long time that there are people who have left this earth (or your life) who look after you and send you signs that they are doing so. I think it's called faith. It doesn't have to be in God, Allah or any other specific thing, it can be an old welly boot if you like, but it's about having the faith that someone or something is looking out for you. 

During this pregnancy, I've had a lot of sleepless nights for a variety of reasons. Partly worry with Chris, partly worry with Brussel, partly Ellie still only being 18 months old with the odd unsettled night and during these periods of insomnia, I made a friend. 

To say I made a friend sounds ridiculous, even as I write it. But I named this new acquaintance Billy. And Billy is a spider. He's not a big spider, just a small one and he lived on the ceiling of our bedroom. Whilst I was awake, with things racing around my mind, I used to watch Billy track around the ceiling and often talk to him, in my head, about the things I needed to get off my chest. He was non but at the same time, something to listen. 

When we moved our bedroom at home a couple of weeks ago, Billy took a couple of days to arrive, but he did. And he was there. He treked around the ceiling, sleeping in the same corner. 

As you all probably know by now, I'm stuck in hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. Until Brussel arrives, I am confined by a B-Number and being attached to a monitor 4 times a day. With this final hospital stay, has come yet more, and quite substantial amount of worry, which I won't go into now. And do you know what....

....Billy is here. Above my bed on Ward 16 at Queens Hospital Burton. And it looks exactly the same as the Billy who treks round at home. 

I know it probably sounds odd to a lot of you, and you are probably sat there laughing out loud at me. But do you know what, I find that little spider exceptionally comforting. Because for me, he isn't just a spider. He's someone or something that is just letting me know that someone in that great somewhere out there gives a shit and is supporting us with what we are going through. So thanks whoever or wherever you are - it really does mean quite a lot! 

Counting the kicks..

It's been a trying couple of weeks in the world of growing Russel the Brussel. Trying in many ways not least of all because of the new found worry and exhaustion that seems to have not so crept up, but arrived with the force of a small army! 

It was all going ok until last Thursday when a routine growth scan showed that our little Brussel (happily growing just underneath the 10th centile) had decided to have a rest and was now below. We saw the consultant who prescribed steroid injections and a couple of extra dopplers just in case. The steroids were administered (erm, bloody hell they sting) and we were sent home following a clear CTG (baby's heart trace).  

At Midnight on Thursday night, I felt my last, what I would describe as normal movements. I woke up in the morning having slept all night. Brussel had not woken me with her normal 3am disco routines. There was a small flicker of a movement, nothing like normal around 6am, and that was it. I was due to go to the hospital anyway so rang ahead and said I would be early. I was taken to a private room (panic button screaming loudly in my head) and was fully checked over by both a midwife and a lovely doctor who I've seen before. They decided that they wanted to keep me in for monitoring to make sure that the baby was ok. And me to a certain extent I think. So we spent the next 2 days hooked up to a monitor every 4 hours. 

What happened over the course of the next few days, still shocks me even now. The monitoring was fine. The Heartrate was good. But I still couldn't (and can't) feel baby move). Instead of being sympathetic, the midwives seemed to be getting annoyed and finding, what I consider, excuses as to why I couldn't feel the movements. (When I say can't feel - I've gone from having a good 30+ movements an hour to around about 15 a day at this point). 

"It's cos your placenta is in the way" one said. Well, it's moved a long way since yesterday when I could feel them fine. 

"It's cos your baby is small and hasn't got much energy" again, they were fine yesterday. 

"You're a bigger lady, you can't expect to feel them the same as someone smaller" again, it was all fine until yesterday. I've not suddenly put 10st on overnight. (Infact, at 35 weeks pregnant I have only put on .2kg in my whole pregnancy - that's a weight loss you fool!!!)

And so the excuses kept on coming. 

I came home and accepted that this was the new pattern. And so began the daily trips to Burton for monitoring. And then Thursday, they stopped again. I felt no movement at all, nothing, zilch, for 6 hours. We went over and again got admitted. And again got excuses. Your baby is just tired. Your baby has no energy. Movements change at this stage anyway. 

That day, I recorded 9 movements all day. Just 9. And then got shouted at for doing a crossword and not concentrating on them properly!!! 

Again, I came home and continued to go back daily with these new reduced reduced movements. 

The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) currently advise that:

 "...if you are unsure about your baby's movements, you should lie down on your left side and concentrate on these movements for 2 hours…you should experience 10 individual sets of movements within this time" 

I put this to a midwife the other day who advised me that 10 a day was acceptable. 

I also advised I had not felt a movement for 6 hours. Her response "well, it's early yet, baby probably hasn't woken up". 

From the same RCOG guidance:

"...during both day and night, your baby had sleep periods that mostly last between 20 and 40 minutes, and are rarely longer than 90 minutes. Your baby will not move during this time..."

Not 6 hours at a time then?!!! 

Our latest growth scan has shown that Brussel has had a spurt (probably thanks to the steroids they injected me with) and lives to cook a little longer. Although the plan is still to induce me at 37 weeks due to growth and movements. However, our movements average between 6-10 a day. When I tell them this, I again get fobbed off, told some ridiculous crap about why may baby isn't moving or the latest is just speaking to me exceptionally slowly like I am deaf or stupid!! 

We have a consultant appointment on Wednesday to finalise the details of Brussel's arrival but until then, it's more worry and stress. 

As for me, I am simply exhausted. I don't mean pregnancy tired, I mean exhausted. Literally eating a bowl of cereals wipes my energy. I feel constantly dizzy and sick and the itching is horrendous (my skin is stretching don't you know)! However, there isn't long to go and our Brussel is worth it. Just don't be expecting any more baby Flash's………ever!!! 

My point of writing this, apart from the vent, was to draw attention to a charity called Count the Kicks and to highlight to anybody pregnant how important it is to know your baby's own pattern of movements. Not 10 a day, not 10 an hour. Your baby's pattern. 

Count the Kicks can be found on the web and all good social media sites. There aim is simple - to raise awareness of the importance of a babies movements in the womb to help try and prevent the hideousness that is stillbirth. They have a recycling programme to raise funds to get this information out. Check them out and please help if you can. You don't even need to send money. They will be happy with stamps, wipe packets and even milk bottle tops!! 

Happy Birthday Mr F

Tuesday this week saw Mr Flash's birthday. 

Birthdays have always been a day that I try to make really special, even in just a small way. I try to plan lovely little activities, make sure there are lots of little presents to open in the morning, and that we can go to bed at the end of the day thinking 'that was really special'.

However this year, and I don't know if it is to do with everything that is going on, but it seems to have creeped up on me a bit and I wasn't in the least bit organised. So much so, I didn't even go present (or cake ingredient) shopping until Monday! 

Monday was a mad busy day. Buying presents, wrapping presents (whilst our darling little munchkin tried to unwrap them) and making cake. It didn't have the best of starts (it wouldn't bloody rise!!) but I was really happy with the end result! 

Tuesday morning we both woke up early and waited for E to wake up to open presents. It was so lovely sitting in bed as a family doing this together and E loved tearing the paper! 

We popped over to Mum's for coffee and some more present opening and then headed over to our local Harvester for lunch. It was a real shame that what is normally a really nice place to eat was so poor today. You know when you just want things to be special however my two number 1 people seemed to enjoy it! 

We then toddled off to spend Mr F's birthday vouchers on a couple of bits that he wanted before heading home for birthday cake!! 

It wasn't a standard birthday in the Flash Household but we did our best and Mr F enjoyed it which is what matters. 

Are there any birthday traditions in your house? 

A lovely weekend

It is so nice to see the sun. It is amazing how that massive round ball of gas & warmth in the sky can make you feel so much better. 

We also had Chris' Mum and Dad up to visit this weekend. We don't get to see them very often as they live on the South Coast (exactly 211 miles away door to door - a journey C & I used to alternate every other weekend in the early days) and so it is lovely when we get to see them and spend some lovely quality time together (and definitely helped by the sun). 

Friday evening was fairly relaxed as the didn't arrive until just after 4. A couple of drinks in the garden before E went to bed and then some dinner. 

Saturday however was a simply wonderful day. The sun was beating down and it was glorious. We picked them up and had a mooch around Trentham Gardens before heading up 'into the hills' for lunch. 

We visited a little tearooms on The Roaches for lunch and ate al fresco with the most stunning views out over the countryside and Tittesworth. 

The food was pretty damn yummy too

My yummy roast beef sandwich

We headed home for a barbecue after that & E enjoyed some cooling down time in the paddling pool - leaving little trails wherever she went!

Sunday was another cracking day, despite the threat of rain. However, much excitement on E's part had led to not a lot of sleep over the weekend so we needed a real routine day to try and reset her. I went to fetch D&A whilst Chris stayed home and E had a decent 2hr nap. 

After a lovely light lunch we all headed up to the park to enjoy the sunshine and swings. 

"Push faster Grandad Flash"

And then it would have been rude not to head for an ice-cream wouldn't it?! 

It was really sad to take Chris to work this morning and for D&A to be heading home. Next time they visit there will be 2 grandchildren - and probably some more grey hairs on me!! 

A curve in the path

We have had 2 really rough nights with E this weekend. She's been awake for not far off 4 hours a night, dozing for 15 minutes at a time which is not conducive to sleep for Mummy. 

Consequently, your mind starts to work and tick over things that are going on. Last night, my thoughts started wandering back down the path and how much my life, and I have changed in the last 5 years. 

5 years ago I was in an exceptionally unhappy relationship (I can only say that now as I can see how bad it was with hindsight). I was the first one to wade into an argument/debate and wasn't afraid to say what I thought when I thought it. I wasn't afraid to send cold food back in restaurants or complain when I felt hard done by. 

10th April 2010, my life changed forever and in such a good way. I got rid of the bad. I had nearly a year on my own and then, when I wasn't looking at all, I found my soul mate. 

We had a wonderful first year together, married at the end of it, we welcomed our first child and I turned 30. 

And I changed. 

I don't know why. I don't know wether it was because I was a Wife now, wether it was because I was a Mum or because I grew up. 

Now, I'm no longer the first one to join a discussion or argument. I'll sit back and listen quietly, putting my view across if asked or I fancy chipping in. 

I don't send food back unless it is beyond unacceptable. I just eat it and then probably don't return to the establishment.  

I don't see the need to get drunk. I enjoy a drink (when not pregnant) but one or sometimes two is enough. I can't handle the hangover, I don't particularly enjoy the feeling when I've had a few and I just don't see the need. 

I can't be bothered with the petty arguments people have and get into. Get over it. We aren't in the playground anymore. I'm not interested in the he said she said she's picking on me. If you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all. 

The most important people in my life are my family and my few close friends. Anyone else I just think if you don't like something I do or say, then lump it. 

I love my life. I love my husband and my daughter (and Brussell) and I love my family. If you don't want to be part of that or you don't want to share what we have then fine. It's your loss. If you don't like something I've said, either tell me in a constructive adult way or don't bother. I cannot be bothered. Again it's your loss. 

Sorry world, this turned into a little bit of a rant and it didn't mean too. I'm just excited about where our path is taking us over the next few months in the future and look forward to sharing it with the few people that really matter.

It has just amazed me how much I've changed in the last 5 years. 

To routine or not to routine...

When I was pregnant with E, I got so many differing opinions about having a routine, when to put it in place, what to do, what not to do that it honestly all got a bit much. 

I always knew that I wanted our baby in a routine, and a routine that suited us, I just didn't have a clue how I was going to do it. So I did what I normally do when unsure, I winged it (with a bit of assistance from my wonderful husband and Mum) and somehow we got a positive outcome. 

E has always had a routine, from the moment she arrived home! 

In those very early days it was as simple as she had her nappy changed before she had a bottle, she slept then she played and repeat. She went to bed when we went to bed and came downstairs when we did in the morning. 

As she grew, the routine grew with her. Subtle changes here and there but something that has always stuck is bedtime. Yes, we may have missed out on some social events, but we needed to have a structured bedtime so that we could have some adult time in the evening. Simply to do things like eat a hot meal, sit quietly and talk about our day, do a few jobs and watch some telly. 

Since E was around about 4 months old, she has always had the same bedtime routine: 

> dinner around 5pm

> upstairs for bath time.

> get dry, have cuddles & jama's on

> story by one of us

> milk by the other one

We have always put her to bed together (and have only missed a handful of nights since she came home) however the last week or so has been getting difficult. She is getting far too excited at story time, constantly looking for the one reading the story, not settling, jumping in her cot - it's been taking not far off an hour or more to settle her. 

So we decided last night that things needed to change. So tonight, we went as follows:

> dinner as per usual

> bath as per usual

> got dried, had cuddles & jama's

> then we said goodnight to Daddy

> I took her into bed, popped her in her cot & she was asleep within 10 minutes having had milk and a special mummy story (good old made up job). 

And so far, so good! She is still sound asleep. There was no tantrum, no tears and no shouting for Yiayia (my Mum - E shouts for her whenever all else fails). 

I'd always recommend a routine for anybody who has a baby. Your baby knows where they are, you know where you are and even on the worst days, you know when there will be some quiet time you so desperately need. 

Yes there will be times you need to say no to things. 

Yes there will be times when your friends think your grumpy cos you're missing out as you've got to get home to put the baby down. 

Yes there will be moments when you would quite happily cave. 

Routine is hard. Getting a decent sleep routine is harder but bloody hell it is worth it and I can safely say, I shall be doing it all over again with Baby Flash v2.0

E's first holiday

Taken me a while to write this post but I wanted to share E's first holiday. 

We had the most wonderful holiday together. We set off on 21st April in convoy (we went with my Mum, Step-Dad and Grandparents) to Talacre in North Wales. E was fab on the journey and slept most of the way which was a result. 

We had a lovely cabin for 8 people (although realistically 6 was pushing it) which was immaculately clean and a really lovely base. The hot tub was lovely too (ssssh, don't tell the midwife!!!)

Monday was spent travelling but on Tuesday we visited Abakhan Material and craft outlet. It is a crafters heaven (good job I'd left the credit card at home). I was so impressed with the staff. They were doing a craft activity for children in the cafe & E was just desperate to join in. The girls were so patient with her and, with a bit of help from Mummy, helped her to make a decopatch dog. The activity was completely free and E really enjoyed it for a good 20 minutes or so! 

Wednesday saw a trip to the seaside at Rhyl. As it is still fairly off season it was rather quite and sadly the weather didn't allow us down into the beach for a sandcastle building session but it was lovely all the same. E spent most of the time taking Grandad for a walk. 

Thursday saw us visit the Welsh Mountain Zoo. It was a good day out for the money however I was surprised at the small size of the enclosures and the behaviours of some of the animals. E loved it. Especially the penguin parade and the chimps. She also surprisingly loved the Turtles and has spent most of the time since we got back saying "turtle". By far her new favourite word! The only problem was, as it says on the tin, it is a mountain zoo and some of the banks were a nightmare with the pushchair! 

Friday was home day. It was sad to come home as we had has such a lovely time. Even down to sitting together in the evenings for a game of scrabble. Something we never have time to do at home. 

The week wasn't without it's trials. E hardly slept at all but somehow kept going, with far more energy than most of the adults! 

We'd definitely go away again & I was so pleased that we had a little family holiday before Brussell joins the party. 

I made E a scrapbook of her holiday, something we always did when we were little and I'd always encourage our children to do. It is a lovely reminder of her holiday with little things to remember it by, tickets to the zoo etc

Here's to the next family holiday! 

Is it really a mothers choice?

It's been a busy week of antenatal appointments here in the Flash household. 

GTT on Tuesday was boring, uneventful and came back clear. 

However yesterday's growth scan was another story. On the positive side, Russel the Brussel is growing well and has all the right bits and pieces where they should be. 

BUT

Is yet again measuring small! 

E was small. She was born on the 6th centile at a healthy and perfectly normal 7lb 3oz. RtB is also it appears going the same way. 

What really bloody annoys me is that because I have a slightly raised BMI, they seem to be expecting me to give birth to the Michelin boy/girl. Just because I don't fit into their computer generated lines then it's all not ok. 

I now have what the consultant has labeled a 'high risk pregnancy' despite having an exceptionally good, natural pregnancy, labour and delivery last time. 

They have also taken away my choice to have a waterbirth as baby is small and I am bigger. And that's what leads me to ask 'Is it really a mother's choice?' 

YES - I understand there needs to be guidelines

YES - I understand the health of my unborn child is paramount

But

WHY can they not see the person behind the piece of paper? 

WHY can they not understand that slightly larger people have feelings and needs too? 

WHY does it all have to be about what boxes you fit in and the associated label. 

So what does the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy hold? 

Weekly visits to the hospital for growth scans and monitoring

Never knowing if this week will be the week our baby is born 

And more worry than is needed when it will probably be the same as E and all ok. 

It would be interesting to hear if anyone else had had similar experiences. 

Half way there..

Today marks the 20 week mark and our 20 week scan. 

I always get nervous before scans, especially as I've not been feeling a vast amount of movement yet. I've got no reason to think that anything should be wrong, but regardless I'll still worry about it!! 

I love our hospital (Queens, Burton) and it's so nice to see a lot of the same staff who we got to know so well during our weekly visits with E. The same sonographer we used to see scanned us today and it was so lovely. 

All went well. Baby Flash v2.0 is growing very well, measuring up well and has all the right bits in all the right places. It's so comforting to see that tiny heart beating so well (even now only about the size of a thumb nail!!!) 

So here is our little bubba sucking a little thumb. 

I'm hoping now that we are half way through that 2nd trimester glow will kick in, the spots will disappear, I'll get some more energy (even just a tiny bit would help) and the sickness will disappear. 

Here is to another healthy 20 weeks (or there abouts). Any chance it can not go as fast as the last 20???

Family time

It's been a difficult 2 months in the Flash household for many reasons but mainly due to Mr Flash not being very well. 

Whilst January saw hospital stays and lack of diagnosis, February seems to have seen a slight improvement and we've been able to spend some lovely family time together. 

The weather has hampered us. I never realised how difficult it would be to entertain a 14 month old in the rain. You run out of ideas very quickly sometimes and toys become very boring very quickly. However we have managed to have some lovely days out. 

Family fun doesn't need to cost the earth, or even anything at all. We are lucky where we live as there is lots of park and open space! We've had some lovely time at the park on the swings and see-saw

We've been to feed the ducks at the local lake and had fun splashing in the muddy puddles. A bit too much fun sometimes but there is nothing wrong with a bit of dirt. 

I love spending time as a family and making those special memories. We'll always be able to tell E about the time she jumped too hard and fell into the puddle. 

Nobody can ever take memories like that away and they cost nothing to make! 

16 week appointments

This week saw Russell the Brussell hit the 16 week mark and the obligatory hospital appointments. 

Wednesday afternoon was the consultant appointment at the hospital. My appointment was at 2:30 and we finally got seen at 3:25. It's no fun when trying to keep a 14 month old entertained with very limited toys in quite a crowded waiting room. 

I wouldn't have minded waiting if the appointment had been of any use. When E was born, I had the most lovely consultant. He would always take the time to listen to what I had to say and would always give advice or comments, even if he thought I was being daft. 

I saw a registrar today, as sadly Mr R has now retired so I am under a different consultant. She was useless. She didn't listen and I had some genuine questions to ask. All she was interested in was my high BMI and the risks that posed and the fact that E was small for gestational age (she was 7lb 3oz). She didn't have a clue about me, hadn't read the notes from my last birth and just presumed things were difficult because I am 'bigger'. With any luck shall see someone else next time. 

Thursday saw my 16 week Midwife appointment which was much better. Hearing RtB's heartbeat and it being so strong is just a wonderful feeling. All was good with BP etc and she set my mind at rest with the sickness and the pain that I've been getting. 

Can't believe it's only 3.5 weeks until we are half way through. RtB will be here before we know it. 

E's First Birthday

E turned 1 on 2nd December and I honestly can't believe where a whole year has gone. As I write this, nearly 2 months after the event, I'm 4 months pregnant with Baby Flash v2.0 and apart from being a little daunted at the thought of two little people to look after, I couldn't be happier. 

This tiny little bundle that turned our world upside down in the most brilliant way...

Has turned into the sweetness and most loving little girl. She literally lights up my world every single day. Although it isn't without it's challenges 

E had 2 birthday parties. 1 for her family on the day before her birthday and 1 for her friends. Looking back, I think I would have done it differently as it was rather overwhelming for her, but she seemed to enjoy it. She had lots of wonderful gifts. So many toys we can now open our own branch of Toys R Us (other retailers also available!) but it was lovely to see the look on her little face with all the paper and the oohs of excitement. 

And so here's to the next year flying by. At her next birthday, she'll be a big sister! 

It's been a while...

Hello blog world. 

It's been a little while and I'm sorry for that. The small steps along the path have involved some rather large rocks that have needed negotiating and well, there simply hasn't been 5 minutes to write. So therefore, I shall be boring you all to death over the next few days with various blogs and ramblings. 

Lots of love

Mrs F x